And she didn’t even get something to hide her hooters

This past weekend I had the great pleasure of celebrating the much anticipated arrival of my good friend A’s first son at her baby shower*.  As some of you may remember from my last baby shower experience…finding yourself among hooter hiders and baby leggings and all sorts of necessities can be a little overwhelming.  So, for those of you who are going to be going to baby showers in the next few years, or for those of you who are just curious, here is my second instillation of “Things you just had no idea a baby needed until you went to a baby shower”

1) Cloth Diapers – Don’t get me worng…I am all for going green.  I recycle and take those little canvas bags to the grocery store on the days that I remember but I draw the line at cloth diapers.  Modern technology helped us to many life easing milestones like washing machines and swifer wet jets and disposable diapers.  Modern technology did this for us because no one should have to clean poop out of a white cloth 27 times a day.**

2) A bottle sanitizer- Silly me…I thought they called this soap and water.  I did not get close enough to this product to see what it promised, but it had a lot of bells and whistles for a product that could be duplicated in a dishwasher.

3) A sleep sack – I am all over a sack for sleeping.  I am actually all over a sack for anything.  How about a work sack or a car sack?  Has someone developed an eating sack?  Does it replace the need for a bib?

(Baby: Look, it is my own personal sack for sleeping)

4)A sleep positioner- this is apparently for the child who is failed by the sleep sack and needs to step it up.  Personally, I like to sleep laying down but I guess any other position will do.

5) A boppy-  I would LOVE to meet the dude or chick who came up with this idea.  Like the non-parent that I am…I took one look at it and said “who convinced someone they needed to buy that, it is just a big neck pillow”  I was later informed that it is a device that helps kids sit up when they are not big enough to sit up yet.  Now, I think it is brilliant.  Do they have other products that help kids do the stuff that they are not big enough for?  A magic diaper that makes you kid toilet trained?  A pair of sneakers that can teach them to walk?  A spoon that shows them how to feed themselves, prepare dinner and do the dishes?  No?  Looks like a new product line to me.

(You tell me that this thing does not look like a big neck pillow)

*As a side note:  A’s sister J (one of my favorite non commenting readers) threw quite possibly the nicest baby shower with the cutest ideas I have ever seen or heard of.  Everything was perfect and if she ever decides she is ready to do this sort of a thing for a living…she is going to be loaded.

**I have no confirmation that babies poop 27 times a day but from what I understand…they go a lot.

If only money could buy common courtesy…

Dear members of our board of trustees,

Five thoughts about our relationship

-I know it may feel like it, but I don’t actually report to you.  I have a boss, and she has a boss and he reports to you.  If you think I should be making a phone call, or wearing a different suit…take it up with one of them.

-Just because you are rich does not mean that you are smart.  Sure it may mean that you are smart and that is how you became rich but it may also mean that you married someone rich or came out of the birth canal of someone rich or someone who married someone rich.  This wealth does not make you an expert on everything.

-You may be retired with not a care in the world and all the time you want to spend your money but I have a full time job.  This means I can not meet you for meetings hours away from work in the middle of the work day and still DO MY JOB.

-Speaking of my job…believe it or not, I might know a little something about it.  While I appreciate your helpful suggestions, thoughtful advice and ideas that I will be forced to implement and explain while you sit in your chair and pen a check, how about you give me a little credit and assume I might know something about the work I do?

-You may ask me a lot of questions and I may be forced to give you a lot of answers but my age will not now, nor ever be one of them.  I don’t care when you were born, you should not care when I was.  Got it? 

Sincerely, your humble servant.

We are family…

When it comes to family, how is it….

-That you can offend or hurt someone by literally doing nothing*.

-That you can be ridiculed or called overly sensitive for getting upset about an actual something.

-That when nothing good is going on with your life, they call or question constantly wanting to hear updates on things that have not changed.

-That when you do have something to share, good news or bad, no one asks and no one seems to be around to answer your calls.  

-That you are stuck with these people, regardless of choice or circumstance and you love them and they love you in spite of who you are, rather than because of it.

Cryin’s not for me, ‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’

The other day, FB over at The Change I wish to See had a wonderful post about the sweeping feeling of depression that is crashing over people.  As usual, his words stuck with me and for the rest of the week I thought about ways to make myself and the people around me feel better…if only for a minute.  I have come up with this 5 suggestions for putting a smile on your, or someone elses face.

1) Smile at people- smile at friends, smile at strangers, smile at the girl who is collecting your money for the 18th parking ticket you have receivedthis month.  It is not her fault the meter maids are pissed about layoffs and are taking it out on parkers everywhere and I grantee you…giving her the look of death will not make anyone feel better.  Smiling is contagious.  It is why we coo at babies, to teach them to me happy.

2) Bring donuts to work- I wanted to try to make these suggestions free (because lets face it, the economy is in the shitter and we are all worried about money) but for the few dollars it costs to bring in some deep friend carbohydrates and powered sugar…I promise you will see a return on your investment.

3)Open the door for people- personally, I think nothing is sexier than a man who opens doors for a woman, and a woman who smiles and walks right trough.  But, anyone can open a door.  Open it for a kid, hold it for a stranger, linger when you see someone elderly on the curb.  The smile and thank you is well worth your 17 seconds. 

4) Make faces at children in passing cars- yesterday, while on the way home from a long day at work and a 2 hour committee meeting I sat in traffic hungry, tired and a little cranky.  I looked to my left and there was a little boy in the back seat making a silly face at me while his sister watched eagerly to see my reaction.  With out thinking I stuck out my tongue and wiggled my hands behind my ears.  They looked at each other and died laughing, rolling around the back seat with glee.  I laughed and smiled and suddenly, I was not so hungry, so tired or so irritated anymore.

5) Look at the sunrise, the sunset, the ocean or a rainbow- regardless of what we pay in taxes, how much our in-come is shrinking in relation to our out-go or how expensive life seems to be…the wonders of nature are free and they are glorious. 

Happy Friday!

A life worth living…

Five signs you have lived a good life….

1) There is no parking at your wake.  Cars fill the lot, litter the street and swell into vacant  lots nearby.

2) The guest book has been filled two hours into the wake.  The funeral home scrambles to find more pages or another book.

3) Your mass cards have photographs of the natural world you loved on the front and a quote by Dr Seuss on the back.

4) The seats for your funeral are full 20 minutes before the service is scheduled to begin.  Ten minutes before a line forms at the door and by the time the service starts, bodies are pressed against walls, filling corridors and oozing out onto the street.

5) The sound of soft sobs, delicate sniffles and purses being rummaged for tissues provides a soothing back drop to the eulogy your daughters gave you.  People cry for you, for your children and for a sense of loss they can not quite put into words. 

For A&A, my deepest sympathies for the loss of your mother.  She most certainly led a life that was well worth living. 

“Don’t cry because it is over, Smile because it happened” Dr. Seuss.