This past weekend I had the great pleasure of celebrating the much anticipated arrival of my good friend A’s first son at her baby shower*.  As some of you may remember from my last baby shower experience…finding yourself among hooter hiders and baby leggings and all sorts of necessities can be a little overwhelming.  So, for those of you who are going to be going to baby showers in the next few years, or for those of you who are just curious, here is my second instillation of “Things you just had no idea a baby needed until you went to a baby shower”

1) Cloth Diapers – Don’t get me worng…I am all for going green.  I recycle and take those little canvas bags to the grocery store on the days that I remember but I draw the line at cloth diapers.  Modern technology helped us to many life easing milestones like washing machines and swifer wet jets and disposable diapers.  Modern technology did this for us because no one should have to clean poop out of a white cloth 27 times a day.**

2) A bottle sanitizer- Silly me…I thought they called this soap and water.  I did not get close enough to this product to see what it promised, but it had a lot of bells and whistles for a product that could be duplicated in a dishwasher.

3) A sleep sack – I am all over a sack for sleeping.  I am actually all over a sack for anything.  How about a work sack or a car sack?  Has someone developed an eating sack?  Does it replace the need for a bib?

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(Baby: Look, it is my own personal sack for sleeping)

4)A sleep positioner- this is apparently for the child who is failed by the sleep sack and needs to step it up.  Personally, I like to sleep laying down but I guess any other position will do.

5) A boppy-  I would LOVE to meet the dude or chick who came up with this idea.  Like the non-parent that I am…I took one look at it and said “who convinced someone they needed to buy that, it is just a big neck pillow”  I was later informed that it is a device that helps kids sit up when they are not big enough to sit up yet.  Now, I think it is brilliant.  Do they have other products that help kids do the stuff that they are not big enough for?  A magic diaper that makes you kid toilet trained?  A pair of sneakers that can teach them to walk?  A spoon that shows them how to feed themselves, prepare dinner and do the dishes?  No?  Looks like a new product line to me.

6a00e54efec758883301156eedfdd9970c-800wi1(You tell me that this thing does not look like a big neck pillow)

*As a side note:  A’s sister J (one of my favorite non commenting readers) threw quite possibly the nicest baby shower with the cutest ideas I have ever seen or heard of.  Everything was perfect and if she ever decides she is ready to do this sort of a thing for a living…she is going to be loaded.

**I have no confirmation that babies poop 27 times a day but from what I understand…they go a lot.

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Saturday I spent five loving hours at a good friends baby shower. After hour three of ohhing and ahhing over little socks and crib sheets I looked over at my friends loot and it occurred to me…I had no idea what half of this stuff was, or what it was used for. Call me crazy, but I assumed all a kid really needed was a place to sleep, something to eat, a whole mess of diapers and a few sets of feetsy pajamas. Here are five things I discovered all new mothers and infant babies apparently have to have.

A Hooter Hider– this is essentially a big old bib for moms to cover themselves with so they can breast feed in public. Apparently, a blanket will not do. I don’t know why. On the website they boast they they are the Nursing Covers for Chic Mothers. So, if you want to blow $40 on something that will make you look chic, this is the place for you.

A Swaddleme Adjustable Infant Fleece Wrap – Do not think that you can just wrap your infant up in a plain blanket. You must have specialized item for turning you baby into a burrito so it will sleep comfortably. You must have the Swaddleme Adjustable Infant Fleece Wrap! You must have two!

(If this baby could talk he/she would be saying “I can’t believe you just paid $9.99 for this weird origami blanket. Are you saving for my college education?” )

The Babybearshop All the Better to Kiss You With Lip Balm – Do not think you can kiss my baby un balmed! Want to hold the baby, wash your hands. Want to kiss the baby, apply lip balm. NO, not your lip balm, my super all natural lavender better to kiss you with lip balm.

Baby Leg Warmers – These are perfect for those times when your baby’s legs are cold, and you have no pants. Or, if you have named your child Jennifer Beals and want her to get started young. Do they make cut sweatshirts for babies too?

The Boon Snack Ball Container – Because everything is better if you have snacks, and snacks are just better in balls.