Yesterday on my way home from work I heard this story on NPR.  If you don’t have the time or energy to read it, I will sum it up by saying that there is a Dr who believes any spiritual connection or feeling that a person experiences can be attributed to a specific part of the brain.  People who have religions visions or feel a presences of a spirit around them are simply experiencing a deformity or irregularity in this part of their temporal lobe.  Now, I am not going to claim to be an overly religious person.  I don’t attend religious services with any regularity and quite frankly I could use a good review of those ‘Thou Shall Not’s’ every once in a while.  But I firmly believe that faith should be taken for what it is…faith.  The blind belief in something not because you have evidence or proof but because you choose to believe.  Anyway, the whole story kind of ticked me off and got me thinking about other things I really do not care to know more information about.  Here are five.

1) The fat and/or calorie content in my favorite She Crab Soup at a local restaurant.  They only serve it when the season is right and I only order it when I can spend time sitting at the bar on a dock watching the sun slowly fall into the Atlantic and am preferably alone.  I can only imagine the rich broth they pour over the delicate crab right in front of you consists of butter, heavy cream and something magic and I just don’t care. 

2) The number of sexual partners anyone I have slept with has had.  I went to college during the late 90’s and trust me and I KNOW how important it is to talk about ones sexual health and use protection but I have never been a numbers girl.  I honestly don’t want to know and quite frankly, I don’t want to tell.

3) What happened to all the members of the US Olympic  Hockey Team of 1980.  After that movie Miracle came out a few years ago a whole bunch of documentaries started popping up on where they all are now.  Frankly, I found it a little depressing.  Sure some are doctors and hockey coaches, but some work at gas stations and are presently unemployed.  I prefer to think of them perpetually in 1980, as the greatest underdogs of all time, fighting for an Olympic medal, the Cold War and kids everywhere who blindly believe hard work pays off .

4) Any information about how, when or where I was conceived.  Actually, any information about how, when or where anyone was conceived.  I just really think some things are better left private. 

5) The inter-workings or any explanation about what makes my car go.  Through years of reminders and pestering by my father I religiously get my oil changed and I ask them to ‘check the fluids’ while they are there.  And when something specific breaks I listen long enough to relay the information to a more qualified person but ultimately…I just don’t care.  I am not a car person, I have never been a car person and as long as it starts when I need it to, I am a happy camper.

So it has officially been ages since I have posted.  I wish I had a really good reason why I have been missing from the interwebs* but the fact is, life has just been insane.  Since the truth about where I have been is no where near as exciting as it should be, I am going to post five really good excuses and let you pick which one is your favorite, and you can go with that. 

1) An oldie, but a goodie; I was abducted by aliens.  I was driving my car along I95 between Hartford and Bridgeport, CT (the WORST stretch of highway in the world) and I beganto think that nothing in the world could be more aggravating than this. Then SLAM  a bright light appeared form the sky and I, my 2004 Mazda 3 and all the crap I keep inside were beamed up into the sky.  Three weeks later, I returned to earth.

2) I briefly joined the Obama administration to try to talk him through his pick for supreme court justice.  We all know that the Obama team has had trouble with their choices and taxes and I thought that I could help out.  I went through his lists of Hispanics and Chicks and personally checked their tax returns for the last 22 years.  Step off GOP, I have this one covered.

3) I ran away from home.  I decided that work and laundry and the never ending job of vacuuming up cat hair were too much for my feeble mind to handle any more.  So I tossed some things in a back pack grabbed a sleeping bag and headed to North Hampton, MA to join all the spoiled-little-rich-kids engaging in political homelessness and trivializing the real problem of mental health issues and people living on the street.  Then I realized I could not stand those people but I sold my phone for a Venti non fat no whip latte and had to hitch hike home.

4) I went to a meditation retreat and spent three weeks removing myself from people, noise and technology to focus on my breath and the sounds of nature.  I Ohm’d morning, noon and night and slept on a board to insure my soul was grounded and close to mother earth.  This worked out exceedingly well for me until I realized that I don’t like my breath and the noise of technology is no where near as frightening as the things that run through my mind when giving the opportunity to take over. 

5) I have just been insanely busy.  Work has been both really good and really stressful and D and I are trying like the dickens to move into our new home in June.  This is the new home that currently has no bathroom tile, no kitchen floor and is still waiting for the gas company to find the time to hook up our gas line so we can have luxuries like hot water…and a stove. 

I hope you have all been well and I look forward to catching up on your blogs this week. 

PS:  If you ever google “hello, yeah its been a while” to double check the lyrics (something I always do before I post) you will find pages of people starting posts about why they have been away for.  It is pretty funny even it is is most obviously unoriginal. 

*I stole this term from FB.  Consider this a footnote please.