Letter to my neighbor

June 8, 2009

Dear Neighbor, 

I just wanted to take a moment and mention the following five things.

1) It is not completely unreasonable for the people in the immediate vicinity to want to get some sleep on a Sunday evening.

2) Spending time in your back yard swearing like a sailor, trying to sing songs you don’t know the words to and screaming at the top of your inebriated lungs do not help the rest of us fall  or remain asleep.

3) Responding with threats, assertions that you are the only civilized person on the street and saying that it is America when politely asked to quiet down or move the party inside do not help either. 

4) Taunting, hollering and daring the people around you to call the police might not be the best plan for helping your case. 

5) I hope you spend the morning vomiting up your indiscretions and suffering with a headache that makes your re-think your religion.

Sincerely, Your Neighbor

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13 Responses to “Letter to my neighbor”

  1. f.B Says:

    “I hope you spend the morning vomiting up your indiscretions”

    Genius. Just genius.

    I think vindictive is the word you were going for but I will take genius.

  2. Maxie Says:

    I’m sorry. I’ll try to be quieter next time.

    Wait…that was you? Now I am just pissed I did not get an invite.

  3. Liebchen Says:

    I love when people respond with “This is America” as an excuse for acting like an ass. Can I use that excuse, too, when I punch you in the face?

    My favorite was when she announced that she was the only civilized person on the block. Nothing like a drunk person insisting they are sober.

  4. Jennie Says:

    Thank goodness you have your new home to look forward to after nights like these!

    This is exactly what I told D!

  5. Matt Says:

    My neighbor blasts low rider music on sunday mornings… I want to punch them in the face.

    Not because I dont like oldies…


  6. Wow. If you were to slip and accidentally hit them in the head with a tire iron, I’d vouch for ya and say you didn’t do it.

  7. apollocreed Says:

    I pretty much hate having neighbors.

  8. LiLu Says:

    Maxie and I party hard, what can I say?

    On that note, MAN I wish you lived closer.

  9. hannah78 Says:

    In my old apartment building, my neighbors used to yell at their friends (who were in the parking lot or in another building) from their balconies late at night AND early in the morning.
    Oh and idiots also used to pull the fire alarms late at night.

    Some people need a swift kick in the ass!


  10. hahahahaha what I love about this is that I know you, and you are the sweetest, cannot-possibly-kill-a-single-fly type of person so I love the angelic evil in this letter 😉

  11. JoLee Says:

    Noisy neighbors are the worst! I think the people upstairs from me have a pet elephant…who roller skates… while bouncing bowling balls.

  12. Mandy Says:

    Which side of the house? I was invited to a party on your street a few days ago…hahah

  13. Gary Says:

    Let me know if you ever want some serious ass kickin’ done to shut these fuckers up. It would be my pleasure.

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