Hi honey, I’m home.

January 21, 2009


I like to think of myself as a pretty modern woman.  I have a post graduate degree and a job I love.  I did not change my name when I got married* and I still have my own checking account. However, today D and I were talking about something involving money and the new house and it occurred to me that in a lot of ways, our relationship could not be any more stereotypical.  For example:

1) I do the cooking and D deals with the money.  I know that if I sat down with all the financial stuff I have the mental capacity to figure it out.  I also know that if D sat down with a box of rice and read the directions he could steam it with some success**.  But, neither of us bothers because we both know the other one is happy to do it. 

2) I do the cleaning and D deals with the cars.  As you may remember, mechanics make me cry and car talk*** gives me a migraine.  A clean bathroom on the other hand is virtually free and always makes me happy.

3) I buy the cards and gifts and D does all the assembly.  I am happy to report that in my life I HAVE managed to assemble a few things but when it comes to anything from Ikea or directions bound in a book…it is D 100%.  On the flip side, I don’t think D knows what a hostess gift is, let alone where to buy one, where we keep them or when it is appropriate to bring it along with us.

4) I buy the groceries and D takes out the trash.  Yes, I know that I am capable of taking out the trash but it smells and I don’t like it.  And in a pinch D can run to the market and get something I have forgotten but it usually ends with a phone call that goes like this.

D: I can’t find Thyme

me: Are you in the produce section?

D: Yes, it is not here.

me: Go to where the carrots are, not the bagged carrots the fresh carrots.  Now go to the left, it is in a clear package marked fresh Thyme.

D: Why do you always send me for the hidden stuff.

me: D, it is not hidden.  It is thyme. 

5) I print out the directions and D does the driving.  I do not think I need to expand upon this. At all. 

*Ok, to be perfectly honest the reason I did not change my name is because I have just been too lazy to go down to social security, wait in line, change it, change my credit cards, change my license and spend three years correcting people about the pronunciation of my new name.  It really has nothing to do with being forward thinking or independent at all.

** To be fair, D generally cooks for me once a year.  He might do it more but I insist on hovering and reminding him that the All-Clad pans are NOT non-stick and I will kill him with my bare hands if he does anything to hurt them.  People heal, All-Clad is lifetime investment.

*** Click and Clack are the exception because Click and Clack are hilarious


13 Responses to “Hi honey, I’m home.”

  1. Anna Says:

    Um…you just described our set-up too. Except Brian does cook a little more than D. And does a lot of childcare which is a whole different balance thrown in!

    If it works, it works! 🙂

    I can not even imagine throwing childcare into the mix! How long until they can feed themselves?

  2. Beth Says:

    I definitely am going to need a man who will deal with the trash, cars and driving. definitely.

    And that Thyme conversation made me laugh so hard… love it.

    Countless other conversations have been had about rosemary, sage and the difference between flat leaf and curly parsley. Don’t even get me started on the parsley.

  3. Among the things I learned from my marriage: food will taste better, we will both be happier, and utensils will be safer, if my ex stayed in the “drink wine and relax” chair while I did all the cooking.

    It’s all about balancing desires and skills.

    Where does one get a “drink wine and relax” chair?

  4. Liebchen Says:

    I’m mostly with you except a) I LOVE assembling things and using power tools. It just makes my day. And b) I much prefer to be the driver…and have the directions. Maybe I’m just too demanding.

    I like power tools too, I just don’t love directions. Especially directions with diagrams!

  5. Jennie Says:

    Loved this! The thyme conversation was so hilarious and typical. And I freaking LOVE Click and Clack. I especially love the credits at the end of the show.

    Click and Clack almost make cars fun.

  6. hahahaha you are too funny. Hubby and I are exactly the same, except I am mentally incapable of handling the financial stuff.

    You my dear are mentally incapable of nothing.

  7. Matt Says:

    There’s maybe 3 guys in the entire USA who could find Thyme on their own.

    Of course, I am not one of them either.

    This comment made D laugh out loud. I am afraid someday he might leave me for you. I hope you can cook.

  8. f.B Says:

    a clean bathroom… *sigh*. so critical. i need the bathroom to be pristine to make me forget what actually goes on in there.

    I believe a bathroom should always smell like bleach.

  9. I have a somewhat stereotypical marriage as well and I had to laugh when reading this! My husband theoretically could do the things I do and vice versa but it’s not always pretty!

    I could not agree more!

  10. Molly Says:

    Hahahah we are the same way with every single one! But I have to say, SS was really easy. I was done in 10 mins…

    Yes, but how was the DMV?

  11. Mike Says:

    Seriously? My favorite post of yours yet.

    You know D so I am sure you can hear that conversation.

  12. apollocreed Says:

    I think it’s good that you clarified you haven’t changed your name because you’re just lazy. Awesome.

    Well I am not going to start lying to you guys now.

  13. Erin Says:

    Does D have a brother?

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