“In my mind and in my car, we can’t rewind we’ve gone to far”

January 15, 2009

After a long day at work and a nice dinner out with D, last night I sat down to watch some brilliant television programs.  Since I only watch things that are meaningful and educational (lie, lie, total lie) I put on a Top Chef and an old Real Housewives of Orange County* and prepared to be entertained.  I don’t know how many of you watch programs like this, or will admit to watching programs like this, but if you have seen any reality t.v. at all…you know the drill.  Which brings me to the following.  If you ever plan on going on a reality t.v. show, you might want to refrain from doing this five things:

1) Cheat on your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee or spouse.  Why? Because their is a 100% chance that the minute you start messing around, hooking up or ‘inocently’ snuggling on the couch…it is going to make national television.

2) Say things that are racist, homophobic, bigoted or just plain stupid. Why?  Because the moment you utter something that is going to offend someone or make you look like a moron…it is going to make national television.  And, just in case we did not hear it clearly, they will put it in type at the bottom of the screen.

3) Take your clothes off, mock strip or run around naked.  Why?  This too will go on national t.v. and trust me…those blurry ‘modesty’ bars are just not as modest as one might think.

4) Get into any sort of physical confrontation.  Why?  Not only will they put this on national t.v. they will play in over and over and over again.  They will put it to music, they will play it in slow motion, they will play it backwards and forwards and backwards again.  People will be able to analyze the way you throw and upper right cut to Ozzy intros for years to come.  

5) Be a total drunken mess….every single day.  Why? We have all been total drunken messes.  In fact (due to the evils of cranberry and vodka) we have all done some fairly stupid things we would rather forget that somehow a more sober friend has caught on still film.  This happens.  But, when they show you on national telivision dunk out of your mind week after week, you begin to get a reputation.  Perhaps this is the reputation you want now, but some day you may actually want a job.  And think about it, would you ever hire Ruthie from the Real World to manage your 401K? 

*Yes, I know this show is terrible and if you want to judge me for watching a bunch of self centered spoiled obnoxious silicone filled and botox injected women run around making utter fools of themselves week after week you can.  But, it makes me happy and I don’t judge you.


13 Responses to ““In my mind and in my car, we can’t rewind we’ve gone to far””

  1. Matt Says:

    I disagree with number three.

    Nothing wrong with some good ole nakedness. Many people have made careers doing this.

    And 42% of them are named Misti.

  2. Liebchen Says:

    I rarely, if ever, watch the shows on Bravo, but my old roommate LOVED Real Housewives of Orange County and, I have to say, I got completely hooked watching it with her. It’s so bad, it’s good.

    I love to hate those women

  3. f.B Says:

    i have no way to relate to your TV choices. i’ve been too busy salivating at the return of the meaningful and educational Idol (which, of course, is high-quality programming at its best).

    Not even a question.

  4. Erin Says:

    I’ve seen every episode of Real Wives of Orange County/New York/Atlanta.

    I’m a complete reality watching loser and I’m just fine with that.

    I missed all of NY but I lost an entire day of my life to an Atlanta marathon. yeah…I just admitted that.

  5. apollocreed Says:

    Right, but if the shows didn’t have these 5 things, I wouldn’t watch.

    great point

  6. Jen Says:

    Don’t worry Sara – you are not alone. I am addicted to ALL the Real Housewives. In fact, I am counting down until February when the NYC girls come back. HA!

    Thanks Jen! I love knowing I am in good company.

  7. I will defend Top Chef – even though this current season has sucked more than a Tijuana hooker – as being the best of reality TV competition programs. RHW (that’s what the cool kids call it, right?) on the other hand, lowers my IQ by 5 points an episode; and no, I will not admit to exactly how stupid it has made me.

    And yet again I discover I am not a cool kid.

  8. betamom Says:

    Oh, Real Housewives is a train wreck that I just can’t help but pull up my lawn chair and watch.

    And it is like a train wreck that happens at 10:00 week after week after week.

  9. Beth Says:

    hey, i admit that i indulge in the terrible reality tv from time to time. my poison is american idol.

    my cousin is obsessed with real housewives though… she made me watch an episode and i was horrified/amazed.

    i will be sure to follow your rules if i am ever cast on one, though.

    Even though Apollo will be disappointed, I think you will be glad.

  10. Matt Says:

    I hate all reality tv with the passion of several burning suns… but even I find those Orange County women disgustingly intriguing. Mostly I’m waiting for one of their artificially inflated body parts to burst open in the middle of an episode.

    Or one of their fake noses to fall off. It is just so much fun to judge them.

  11. Mike Says:

    So, do you comment on every comment? I think there’s a reality show in there somewhere.

  12. Hey Mr. Mike, i like that she comments, sometimes it is the only person to comment on my posts!!

    Can’t say i have watched much of this tv you speak of! just cannot wrap my head around it, sometimes it is like a train wreck and i am a deer in head lights stuck, sucked in….once sucked in you watch these crazy people and think shit my life is nto so bad!!

    i think it woudl be fun to know what other people DVR for later!! I wonder if anyone could surprise us?

  13. i know exactly what you mean.. i don’t know how these people are not embarrased to see all of that old stuff on TV about themselves.. it’s just embarrasing and humiliating, I think.

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