The end of a friendship

December 8, 2008

Dear Cranberry and Vodka,

I never wanted it to come to this; but our friendship is officially over for the following five reasons.

-You make me sick.  Literally, you make me sicker than a five year old with a stomach flu on a transatlantic flight. How do you mange to turn two lovely things like cranberry juice and vodka into such stomach retching poison?

-You continually lure me back to your evil ways.  Even when I think that we will never spend another night together, you sit there cold and fresh, mocking me with your tasty goodness until I fold.

-You speed up the earths rotation and make time move faster than Usain Bolt.  One minute it is last call and three of you and your friends later my clock is showing 5:15.

-You leave the worlds worst headaches in your wake.  If the empty vodka bottle shattered and shards of its glass were repeatedly jabbed through my eyeballs it would not hurt nearly as much as you do.

-You climb into my brain and take my happy memories.  The headache and the stomachache and the loss of 6 hours of my life would not be nearly as insulting if I had any recollection of it.  But no, you rob me of the one simple pleasure of remembering the night I had while I suffer with the consequences in the morning.

For this and many other reasons we are no longer friends.  This time, I mean it.  You never cared about me anyway.



19 Responses to “The end of a friendship”

  1. fritz Says:

    Way to take a stand!!

  2. f.B Says:

    i’ve heard that frozen margaritas, as well as mojitos, cure cranberry and vodka longings…

  3. Matt Says:

    Good choice. Vodka is the enemy. Come to the darkside with me and just drink tequila from now on.

  4. vodka is the ONLY thing that does NOT give me a hangover. Granted, I hardly ever drink, but when I do, vodka is the way to go!

  5. Elizabeth Says:

    Rough weekend?
    I feel that way about vodka mixed with anything. We can drink wine together and laugh in a mocking tone at that vodka!

  6. Erin Says:

    Oh man, I’ve written the same Dear John letter many a time in my life. I feel your pain.

  7. Janet Says:

    Just in case Vodka comes disguised with Diet Coke – beware! It’s the same ugly consequence. Perhaps Cranberry should be forgiven.

  8. Tear.

    But the question is – who is your new best friend?

  9. Sara Says:

    Great question Adorably! Any suggestions? What can I drink for 8 hours strait that won’t make me feel like I have been run over by a truck full of my own stupidity?

  10. I wrote my dear vodka letter a long long time ago. I have beer, rum, and tequila in my house. Vodka and I do not get along at all!!

    May i suggest a good beer? God knows i could use a few! 😉

  11. Beth Says:

    This must be in reference to the night you “didn’t get vertical until 3 a.m.”

    You and I had similar weekends. Hangovers are the worst.

    When I was home for Thanksgiving I had to listen to my 19 yr old sister talk about how her and her friends drink straight vodka all the time and she doesn’t get hungover… that bitch. Those were the days.

    And as for something that doesn’t make you hungover… I really don’t know. Beer? I am a beer girl, but you have to really like it to drink it for 8 hours straight.

  12. apollocreed Says:

    I have the perfect solution – vodka and soda.

    You’re welcome.

  13. Carly Says:

    perhaps it’s not the combo – the cran and the vodka, but the variety of vodka itself? were you on land this time?

  14. Sara Says:

    Fritz- thank you for your support
    FB – great advice
    Matt- you know my thoughts on tequila
    LBP- lucky lady
    Elizabeth – that is a great plan
    Erin- did it work? Did you go back?
    Janet- oh, great point
    AB- not sure yet, I am in the market for a new BFF, maybe I could start my own show?
    Hallie- yes you do!
    Beth- yup, that was the night. I was pretty pathetic the morning after
    Apollo- brilliant, but where were you Sat night?
    Carly- land this time but still the same result. WHEN will I learn???

  15. I remember when I had to end my relationship with Gin. It was my first year of grad school and she dated my friends, drained my bank account, took my good knives, and kept breaking my heart. Gin was a particularly cruel mistress for me.

    p.s. I wandered over to your place while doing some random blog surfing and I am pretty glad I did.

  16. […]  Go over a take a peak at the posts in the DC Blogosphere that caught my eye.  By the By, this post from Sara who writes If I had to Pick Five would have been on that list but it aint exactly a DC […]

  17. brookem Says:

    i wrote a similar letter to gin and cran not too long ago….

  18. Mandy Says:

    Do you want your cup back that you brought it over in? Or is it single now too?

  19. […] mess….every single day.  Why? We have all been total drunken messes.  In fact (due to the evils of cranberry and vodka) we have all done some fairly stupid things we would rather forget that somehow a more sober friend […]

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