Unveiled Self Righteousness and Superiority
May 31, 2008
While out on my run today I once again spotted blue short girl. Here are the five reasons I believe I am better than her.
1) I too have a pair of blue shorts. However, mine do not require a bikini wax and navel jewelry to be worn out in public.
2) As aformentioned, I do not weigh 108 lbs. Running would be alot easier if I too were built like a Ukrainian gymnast.
3) I easily have 10 years on blue short girl. That is 10 extra years of beer weight, nacho weight and “sure I would love another cream puff” weight that I am carrying around. Not to mention, 10 extra years of mistakes I have to dwell on, which proves to be very distracting during a run.
4) I give every runner I see the standard runner nod and wave as well as a cursory good morning if my breathing pattern and concern about potential heart failure allow it. Blue short girl does not nod, make eye contact or look up from her perfectly tanned Ukrainian gymnast legs to say hello, and that is rude. A swing of her long blond ponytail does not count as an acknowledgment.
5) I get stomach cramps! I know that does not make me better than blue short girl but I feel like I should get some extra credit for running around for 40 min feeling like I have two daggers sticking out of my abdomen. (As a side note here- If anyone has any thoughts or advice about preventing stomach cramps, or collar bone cramps or pinky cramps which hurt just as bad, I would love to hear them)
PS: A note to my precious few readers- This entire post is meant in jest. I do not, under any circumstances believe that I am better than anyone… trust me.